you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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