Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize