Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
