I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize