So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
nutella sex= disaster
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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