It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
