Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
