Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
