..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it because I queefed?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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