Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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