oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize