Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
