I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
