I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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