The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
