Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
