Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

That is a good question.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.

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(305): View more from Florida

Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

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(623): View more from Arizona

He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.

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(928): View more from Arizona

Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?

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