The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
