Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We have so much sex to catch up on
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
