Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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