Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize