we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
