woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize