There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
