a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
