New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
