YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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