my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
