I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
