Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
