I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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