i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pooping to opera.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
