Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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