Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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