we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You took a bar mat shot.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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