Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wear drunk well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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