Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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