Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
