Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
