ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
