Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
