Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
