so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
