I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
