i already hear my dad disowning me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
