I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
