i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
