Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
