I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
40s are totally the cure
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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