OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
