just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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