Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
