i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
