I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
