I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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