moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
