Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
