Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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