We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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