I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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