please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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