just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
