he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
