yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
