We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
