in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
