Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
