im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
