My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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