Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
