I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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