when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you inspire me to be a worse person
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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