In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
