I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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