So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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