you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize