We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
operation have a gay friend backfired
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
