How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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