i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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