shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
