She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
