so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
