My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
