Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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