i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize