Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
