it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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