Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
