WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
