I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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