4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
